Why Did He/She Unmatch Me But is Still Texting?
So, you have connected with someone on a dating app and you have progressed to a point in the conversation where you are comfortable enough to take the conversation off of the platform. It seems like things are going well, but then you realize that they have unmatched you. While your gut reaction might be that they are no longer interested, that definitely is not the only possible reason for you to find yourself unmatched with a former match on a dating app, especially if they continue to text you through WhatsApp, SMS text, or Instagram. If you have found yourself in this situation, continue reading. Some of reasons may not be the outcome that you were hoping for, but some of the reasons could actually be a good sign that your conversation is heading in a positive direction and a potential relationship.
1. They Want to Update Their Profile But Don’t Want You To See it
Okay, so this one is not necessarily a good thing, but it could be a reason that they are no longer matched with you on the app. As long as you are matched, you have access to their profile, and they have access to yours. That means that when you are talking to your friends about the person you have matched with, you can pull up their profile and show them off. Dating is already scary, and we are a collaborative society. Dating online is even more intimidating, so it is fairly normal for someone to want to run a potential romantic partner by their friends for feedback. If the person you have matched with suddenly unmatches you, it could be because they want to make changes to their profile and do not want you to see it because they think that you will not be happy about the changes that they make. There are few things to consider if this is why they unmatched you:
Even though you guys have matched and you have progressed to communicating outside of the platform, you may not be exclusive and they want to see what other options are out there. They could possibly be considering that, since they are talking to you outside of the dating app, they do not need to “keep” you on the app because you have already established a connection. If they have learned something about themselves or what they are looking for in a relationship after interacting with you, they might want to update their profile so that they can share that information with other potential matches. If they are worried about how you might react, unmatching you would be a way to make sure that you do not see what they changed.
2. They’re Getting Ready to Ghost You
Ghosting is when someone that you have been communicating with completely disappears and cuts off all forms of communication. You know that they existed, but now they are nowhere to be found, like a ghost. While it is definitely frustrating, it happens all the time. If the person you have been talking to has unmatched you on the dating app that you met on, they could be preparing to cut off all ties of communication. Even if you think that everything has been going well, remember that everyone’s perception is different. Every person has a different situation, so the reason behind the ghosting might not even have anything to do with you. If they think that the conversation is not going anywhere, they have decided that they are not ready for a relationship, or they have matched with someone else that they would rather talk to, then they could be preparing to cut you off. Ghosting in itself can be immature, because not telling someone why they have decided to sever communication can lead to people assuming they did something wrong, and that is not necessarily the case. There are times when ghosting is more understandable, like if you starting harassing them. Regardless of the reason behind the ghosting, it is within someone’s right to decide that they no longer want to speak with someone. If they unmatch you on the dating app and then start to reply less frequently or with shorter responses, ghosting could be in your near future. Try and keep in mind that if they ghost you, they are choosing to not have you be a part of their life. If you are trying to find someone to be in a relationship with, you do not want to be with someone who does not want to be with you. If they decide to ghost you, the best thing you can do is to continue to move forward and see what other matches are available to you on the dating apps.
3. They Don’t Want to Think About the Fact They Met You on A Dating App
Having someone unmatch you on a dating app might be disappointing at first, but if they are still talking to you through other ways, they might not necessarily be done with you, just with you on the dating app. If they are talking to you through Instagram, WhatsApp, or texting you, then they have your information, so staying connected on the dating platform might not be necessary in their eyes. Even though it is 2022 and dating platforms have been around for decades, there is still a social stigma about meeting someone online. In reality, it is a completely normal way to meet people now, especially because meeting people the “old-fashioned” way is not as easy as it used to be. We have all heard the cute stories about older couples who met at the grocery store, but how many of us use grocery pickup now instead of going into the store? People today are in a much bigger hurry, and meeting new people is not something that we always prioritize. Online dating is somewhat like online shopping in that you can look at the information and then decide if you are interested without having to go through the process of physically going on a date to determine if you are interested in someone. If this person thinks that they might want to eventually have a relationship with you, they could want to alter the part of the story where you met online. The story itself is not as romantic as bumping into someone in public or meeting in person by happenstance. Even though there is nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to entering a relationship that started from matching online, some people would rather skip that detail. If you are no longer matched online, they can just pretend like that part of your connection did not happen.
4. They’re Embarrassed About Something They Said to You on the App
This reason might come off as a little dramatic, but some people choose to unmatch people they are genuinely interested in because they did something they found to be embarrassing within the chat function of the dating app. It is the same thing as deleting text messages that you sent when you were not thinking clearly: if you cannot see it, it did not happen, or you can at least pretend like it did not happen. When someone unmatches you on a dating app, the conversation on that platform is over, and can be deleted or will disappear on its own. Then, the reminder of their embarrassing comment is not right there for them to see whenever they look through the conversations you guys have been having. We have all said things, whether in person or online, that we immediately wanted to take back. Unmatching you is the only way on a dating app to make an embarrassing conversation go away.
5. They’ve Paused Their Profile
Unmatching you could actually be a good thing! If you find yourself unmatched because they paused their profile, it means that they are not actively looking for new matches, meaning they potentially think there could be something there with you. This is even better if they continue to communicate with you through other means, because then they are obviously thinking of you and want to keep the conversation going. Taking the conversation off of the dating app means that there is an opportunity to continue growing a connection, and could potentially give you the reassuring knowledge that, at least for now, they have decided that they do not need to continue with the dating app. Keep in mind that pausing a profile is not the same thing as deleting their profile. Pausing a profile just means that they are good for now, but understand that they may need to come back to the dating app if things with you do not work out. Pausing makes more sense, because they do not want to necessarily delete the app and then have to create an entirely new profile if your relationship does not pan out. People who use this method are giving you some interesting information about them; they are likely logical, because they are choosing to have a “safety net” with the ability to resume their account, but they also probably see something with you through the conversations that you have been having that is worth exploring.
6. They Deleted Their Account
If the person you have been talking to is unmatched and they have completely disappeared from the dating app, it could be because they completely deleted their account. If this happened and they are still talking to you through other means, it does not mean that things between you two are not going anywhere. It is possible that they think you could have serious potential as a romantic partner, and they deleted their profile because they do not think they need it anymore. If you guys have been talking long enough and you felt comfortable enough to continue the conversation elsewhere, then you do not need to worry unless they start acting differently. Remember that this is a good thing, but you should still be careful. If they have decided that they do not need the dating app anymore because you are the person they want to pursue, then you hopefully feel the same way. If you do not feel the same way, you should probably have a conversation with them. Relationships are about communication, after all, so if their feelings for you are deeper than your feelings with them, you need to tell them. You do not want to find yourself in a situation that could lead to issues in the future.
7. Their Account Was Suspended
If their account gets suspended by the dating app platform, then it will show up on your matches as you two having been unmatched. The reasoning behind why accounts get suspended varies depending on which dating platform you are on, but they all have similar reasons: Nudity or sexual content: If their profile featured either, or if they were reported for violating this term, their account will immediately be suspended. Harassment: The thing about dating apps is that they allow you to meet new people, but not everyone is a good person. Chances are, you are not the only person they have matched with. If they were talking to another person with the platform and got reported for harassment, then their account will be suspended. Threats of Violence: Obviously, the goal of a dating app is to help you make new connections. People do not want a relationship with someone who is threatening them with physical, emotional, or verbal violence. If they violate this rule, their account will be suspended. Hate Speech: Hate speech would be considered anything that is derogatory towards a race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, religious affiliation, or gender. Dating apps would not be very appealing if they allowed their members to spew hate speech. The goal is to provide a safe place to meet new people, so if there is a chance that you would end up speaking with someone who has really strong, hateful opinions, you as a user could decide that you are not going to use the platform at all. Losing users is not good business for a dating app, so they will take reports of hate speech seriously and suspend an account if someone is creating a hostile environment. Spam: Dating apps are still social networks, and millions of people have accounts, making it a platform that would allow for spammers to thrive. Like the other reasons, spam would be bad for business, since it is not fulfilling the purpose of the dating app and is instead being used to send out spam information. Users could decide to switch to a different platform to avoid all of the spamming or decide that online dating is not going to work for them if all they are seeing is spam, which is why the platforms will suspend an account if gets reported. Promotion: Similar to spam, using a dating app with millions of users for promotional reasons instead of for the purpose of actually meeting new people and creating connections is not using the app for its intended purpose. Dating apps have no choice but to pull the plug on an account that is focused on promotion to protect the integrity of the platform’s purpose. Solicitation: Everyone has heard horror stories about solicitation on dating apps. Millions of people create accounts in the hope that they will meet someone to have a relationship with, but there are people out there with other intentions. Just like harassment, soliciting someone on any form of social media is a quick way to have an account suspended. If they cannot do it in real life without consequences, then they cannot do it on a dating app, because it would cause users to move to competitor’s sites to avoid that type of behavior. Prostitution: Like solicitation, prostitution on a dating app is bad for business. Users are searching for real connections, and the dating platform has a responsibility to create a safe environment. Though there are places in the U.S. where prostitution is legal, these locations are few and far between. If it is not legal in actual society, dating apps have a responsibility to prevent it from happening on their site, resulting in a suspended account for the person who got reported. Scamming or Impersonation: Pretending to be someone else or setting up a scam is a disaster waiting to happen on a dating site. If accounts are set up that have the purpose of scamming an innocent person or impersonating someone, it could draw users away from the platform and encourage them to seek out a different one. To avoid this, profiles that get flagged for this behavior are suspended. While all of the reasons listed above are valid reasons to suspend an account, remember that there has been an uptick in reports of “revenge reporting” on dating platforms. This happens when someone gets upset and decides to report an account, even if they did not actually do anything wrong. “Revenge reporting” results in an account being suspended, and the user will have to appeal to the dating app if they want their account reinstated.
